The 4th of July sans fireworks…

I am a firm believer in following rules if they directly affect the safety of others. In our state it has been so dry that most of the towns surrounding mine, including mine are banning fireworks. I don’t think they would do it if they didn’t have to. They’re not about ruining out fun, most of the officials have families and probably would love to light fireworks off with them.

I was raised by a firefighter. He was gone most of the summer when I was very small fighting fires caused by nature or people. I understand the sacrifice it takes for these brave men and women to go and fix these problems. I just find it incredibly disrespectful for those people who keep lighting off the fireworks even though we are in a severe drought.

It isn’t going to kill anyone to miss the fireworks this year, so why not just adhere to the rules? It could kill someone if they don’t, if it doesn’t kill anyone it could very well burn down someone’s home. I know that I have a hard time breathing when the valley fills with smoke from the fires, and I have small children to think of as well. My eldest got terrible nose bleeds the last time the fires were bad and he was so little it scared him really bad.

I’m just hoping that people can consider others on this holiday rather than being selfish. Find something else to do, float the river, have a BBQ, spend time with your families doing things that aren’t going to destroy our home. Thank you for reading this, and I hope it made an impression on someone because I am terrified of what the actions of the selfish is going to do to our town in the next week.

Weight and Body Image

Having been overweight for a long time I have a certain negative opinion about how I look. Though I was reflection on my past and I wasn’t truly overweight until I was a Sophmore in high school. Which is a shame because at that point I had already given up on ever being skinny and turned to food for comfort.

When you think eating disorder you think anorexia or bulimia, you don’t really think about the others. Mostly the compulsive overeating, or binge eating. I still struggle with this daily. I don’t know why I still have this problem. I try so hard to not give in. When I’m bored, sad, and lonely I just start eating. Its not like one cupcake to feel better it’s like I make a whole cake and eat it all in two hours. Or I make these giant bowls of cereal, chilli, or pasta.

I may have written about this in the past but I have a gluten sensitivity, and I’m lactose intolerant. The problem with my binge eating is that I just eat whatever, then I get sick later. Not throwing up just laying in bed in agony it feels like my stomach is being torn apart from the inside.

I made a resolution this year to get my eating under control and I haven’t been able to. Though I think about it every day. I am the one in control of my image and how I feel. So I need to be the one in control of my eating. It will not define me anymore.

I want to be thinner because being fat sucks. I am all for positive body image and loving yourself but I can’t imagine anyone fat would be happy feeling this way. My back and knees hurt at a constant. When I wake up my entire body is sore. It is difficult to maintain physical activity for prolonged periods. I would love to look like I did when I was ten again. Though, I really need to get this under control. I am going to be 30 in 3 years and frankly I need this for me before that happens.

I spent so much of my youth wishing it away and now I am trying to get it back and it is difficult because there are just some things that you can’t really do at 26 weighing over 200lbs that you could do at 15 weighing 140.

I need to do this for me and not for anyone else. So wish me luck.

Photo Update

As you all know I’ve been promising a photo update. There are quite a few photos on my flickr and on my photography blog that you can view there. These ones are just the ones that I felt needed to be on this blog. Thanks so much for being so patient with me over the last few months.

Valentine’s Day (turned out great afterall)

He bought me two dozen roses.

He bought me two dozen roses.

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roses2

roses1

We bought our son a fish!

We bought our son a fish!

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We bought the fish to go in this weird fish bowl...o.O

We bought the fish to go in this weird fish bowl…o.O

Mimosas!

Mimosas!

Put on my first craft fair…it failed sadly. Note to self, don’t rely on other’s help.

Both my kids had birthdays! The oldest turned 7 the youngest turned 1.

Went to Fairmont Hotsprings...it rained a lot.

Went to Fairmont Hotsprings…it rained a lot.

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Took an artistic photo to remind my sister she left her glasses here. (lol)

Took an artistic photo to remind my sister she left her glasses here. (lol)

Bubbles's Share Cake 1st Birthday (April 7th)

Bubbles’s Share Cake 1st Birthday (April 7th)

Bubbles's Smash Cake (He loved it!)

Bubbles’s Smash Cake (He loved it!)

Buggy's 7th Birthday cake (April 29th)

Buggy’s 7th Birthday cake (April 29th)

I watched my mother-in-law’s house, and played with her dogs. I love those dogs!

And that’s pretty much it! So many photos hope you enjoy. I should be back to regular posts. Look for one on tomorrow.

Life Happens

Life has been crazy this last few months. I can’t believe it’s almost July already! It feels like it was March yesterday. I have so much to update on, so I have decided that I will be updating a photo post this week sometime.

Pictures are worth a thousand words and I have many many pictures of the awesome adventures we’ve been having. Much love thanks for sticking around!

Stuck

I’m so frustrated and tired of my life. I love my family but I don’t know how to be this person I’ve been trying to be. I’m lost. 

I feel like I lost who I am and I’m trying to be something om not.

Trying not to complain too much but ugh. I need a vacation away from these kids. Not in a mean way but in an overwhelmed need to be a person before I’m thirty. I only have three years…

Update

It has been so long since I did an actual update. I have been really bust and then my wisdom teeth crushed the teeth next to them. Not to mention one od them was in my sinus cavity! Never knew that couls happen

I promise a real update soon. I never posted about mt wonderful Valentine’s day, or both he kids’ birthdays.  Also I put on a craft fair I didn’t post about.

So much to update on. Anyhow when I’m on my computer next week I’ll write a few posts.

Love you all! Thanks for folowing!